Unfortunately most women struggle to orgasm.
Orgasms can give you ecstatic experiences, it can feel like life is flowing through your whole body, it can give you power freedom and courage.
The definition that is typically referred to as an orgasm, is a build-up of pleasure through a contraction of muscles then an expulsion of energy but this is a very limiting view of orgasm and typically how men orgasm but it’s so much more for women.
I would like to redefine it as an experience of excitement which increases and expands pleasure throughout the body as well as experiencing a shift in consciousness by going into a heightened state of connection and egolessness. This helps women understand that they don’t have to chase a formulaic type of orgasm which limits what their body is capable of feeling. Focusing on pleasure and the shift in consciousness is more likely to give a woman the experience she desires.
The importance of her staying present in her body and not focusing on a goal, but having the intention to feel as much pleasure as possible or whatever her goal may be. Not focusing on past experiences or what her expectations are in the future but to be present in her sensations moment by moment. Surrendering into the unknowing mysterious power within her and relaxing into pleasure and worthiness and levels of deserving ecstatic pleasure creates more receptivity of bliss. Will help with the struggle of orgasm.
However,the pressure to perform, look like a porn star, guilt and shame are high on the list of why 46% of women struggle to have orgasms. Women tend to think there is something wrong with them if they don’t orgasm during sex and many struggle to orgasm on their own too.
Women put too much pressure on reaching orgasm to please their partner and lose the enjoyment of their bodies their pleasure and eventually disengage from their partner. Sometimes even fake it and wish it was over as the frustration builds in them.
Women feel their bodies are not good enough, which causes a lot of anxiety, it’s a big reason why women have difficulty reaching orgasm. They tend to get into their heads, worrying about things like ‘why am I taking so long’ how does my body look in this position’ ‘do I taste and smell ok’, what is my partner thinking of me’. This takes away their focus on relishing in the experience of pleasure and being present with their partner.
Every woman is capable of deep orgasms whether it’s clitoral, g-spot or cervical.
Your vulnerability and authentic self need to be present and call on the deeper internal parts of yourself.
Women crave to surrender during sex and dissolve in ecstasy, and long to lose sense of self, judgement and time. They yearn to feel one with the universe and bliss, but their sexual conditioning and beliefs can hold them back from surrendering and having orgasms in the way they desire.
Some reasons are sexual repression, trauma, body shaming, sex negativity, destructive sexual experiences. Living in a sexually violent culture , religious upbringing and feeling like she’ll be slut shamed if she’s open about loving sex. These experiences and beliefs get deeply embedded in her psyche.
The truth is sometimes women don’t feel safe experiencing immense pleasure and being uninhibited and wild. Even though they really want to be liberated orgasmic women. They are afraid of being judged and rejected.
Women have received messages whether from their peers, society, their female ancestral line that they need to behave in certain ways to be accepted as ‘good girls’ in society. These messages make women feel it’s unsafe to be in their sexual power and divine nature.
ORGASM IS A PORTAL INTO WILD ECSTATIC STATES
There is a hunger for ecstatic pleasure, it’s our biological birthright. This bliss is a result of true intimacy, love and meaningful connection. A woman’s body needs to be celebrated and cherished to unwind old toxic conditioning from our culture. Women are full of magic to be explored and worshipped on so many levels and not mechanical machines who can have multiple orgasms on cue.
TIPS TO MAKING HER ORGASMIC
- Women have been so suppressed in asking for what they desire sexually, which is why women struggle to orgasm. It’s Important for both of you to share your desires and what you really want in your lovemaking sessions. You can start by telling her what you love about her, and that you want to feel closer to her. Create a safe space and give her permission to tell you what she really wants. Whatever makes her aroused sexually, and that allows her to experience whatever she needs. It could be to scream or cry, it could be a certain position. The more information you have the easier it will be for her to orgasm and for her to trust you.
- Kissing is very important. Kiss her deeply and passionately at the beginning of your lovemaking session for at least 5-10mins before you do anything else this allows her to connect with you emotionally which will help her open up and relax. Continue the kissing throughout lovemaking she is more likely to reach orgasm if she feels your passion and presence.
- A woman’s sexuality awakens like a slow burn and can become an inferno of sexual ecstasy. When you start touching her erotically go super slow. What may come as a surprise is it’s best to keep the same steady consistent rhythm than constantly changing speeds and techniques when it comes to making her orgasm.
- Be devoted to her pleasure, focus on what she is feeling moment by moment. You will learn so much about what turns her on. Encourage her to make noise, this helps her be in the experience more and softens and relaxes her body. Sounding and moaning is a gateway to full body orgasms. It increases energy through her entire body, distributing pleasure all over and can unlock powerful multiple orgasms.
- Women love oral sex. It’s one of the most pleasurable and orgasmic experiences. Treat her like a goddess and make oral sex the main event. Letting her know you’re going to take at least 30-45 mins going down on her. Whisper compliments in her ear, telling her what’s beautiful about her, what you love about her. Praise her body noticing her magic and wisdom and vibrancy.
If you make her feel loved safe and sexy by worshipping her body, being orgasmic will be easily achieved. It will melt away her inhibitions of being self-conscious about her body and re-wire her brain to think differently about expressing herself sexually so she will be more liberated and freer in the bedroom.