What most men tell me about letting their guard down is that they don’t want to appear weak, and make a fool of themselves. Society has told them they need to be brave and strong and always in control. They don’t show their real emotions because the rejection and vulnerability is just too difficult to deal with, especially the shame of not being enough: smart enough, wealthy enough, good looking enough or tough enough. Im here to tell you It’s safe to be men and vulnerable.
This leads to men not really knowing what they are feeling. Men have told themselves it’s not safe to feel and it’s not acceptable in society. At work they hear, “leave your personal life at home”. They are afraid of losing respect from others, being judged and risking getting hurt.
When things feel uncomfortable, they will keep themselves busy, by going to the gym or playing sport, watching YouTube, smoking, drinking alcohol, taking drugs or having meaningless sex, anything that distracts them from feeling within.
This creates a huge disconnection from their hearts, bodies, and sexuality.
Its easy to keep busy and avoid real feelings, but this creates all sorts of problems within themselves and especially with their romantic relationships. They find it difficult to get to the core truth of who they are and express what they really want and feel. This can make a partner feel like they don’t really know them, and eventually they too will have their guard up not revealing all parts of themselves.
I want the men in the world to feel safe to be vulnerable and talk about their feelings,
fears, desires and sexual fantasies without shame. This is true courage.
Men sometimes spend a lifetime living a lie, everything they do is performance based by trying to please everyone else, or feeling they have to perform like a porn star in the bedroom, doing the ‘right thing’ according to society’s standards, focusing on others or their careers to escape their own feelings but all of this is to avoid being truthful with themselves, and when conflict arises it’s really about avoiding connection with others. Connection and being seen is really what we all want.
ITS SAFE TO BE MEN AND VULNERABLE
What real weakness is perceived by partners particularly women
- A man that ghosts (disappears) them without an explanation
- A man who is always showing the emotion of anger and fury instead of his real feelings
- The nice sweet sensitive guy is really not cutting it for most women, they are usually passive aggressive types
- A man who won’t deal with the real problems in a relationship
- A man who is selfish in bed or with his money and wants things his way all the time.
- A man who won’t have serious conversations particularly about the future
- A man who is very needy (he wants constant attention and validation due to his lack of confidence)
- A man who doesn’t take responsibility for his actions and usually blames others
‘THE HAPPY WIFE HAPPY LIFE’ QUOTE
is a fallacy and personally it makes me cringe.
WHATS CONSIDERED DESIRABLE
A man in his Divine Masculine is very appealing and desirable and has these qualities:
- a man who is assertive, willing to take risks, and not be passive about his desires
- He is action-oriented, He takes initiative, sets goals and makes plans
- He has strong values and boundaries
- He’s confident in who he is and doesn’t waver from his truth
- He is clear and objective about what he wants and doesn’t care what others think of him
- He connects with his warrior energy, he practices martial arts, boxing, vigorous exercise. He defends his rights peacefully but assertively
- He takes responsibility for his own happiness, feelings and choices
- He’s not always in his head, he’s aware of what he’s feeling before taking action
Your partner wants to be challenged, and wants to be called out on things you don’t like, and wants to really know what’s going on in your heart and mind no matter what the truth is. This is real connection, vulnerability and growth for both of you.
I personally love to see men be vulnerable, as it lets me know they feel safe to be open with me. If you feel unsafe opening up with your partner you might have to look at healing your relationship to the masculine and look at your past conditioning.
What have you learned from your father, society, religion, porn about being a man? Does it really resonate with your truth or is this just a conditioning that doesn’t really allow you to grow and be in your highest expression?
I give you permission dear men to be vulnerable, express your fears and desires. Take the risk and see what you are capable of creating internally and externally, and do this with people you feel safe with. It might lead to real intimacy and ecstatic sex. Notice how it feels to be incredibly honest about who you really are and how you really feel.