Sexuality, spirituality and Tantra, are closely intertwined. When sexuality is grounded in a loving intimate relationship with another person it can increase our ability to connect with the vastness and wonder of the universe. When sexual desire is separate from a loving connection it can become a negative or empty experience. What helps a sexual relationship feel satisfying and connected, is a relationship that is fully committed and deeply connected. For many people, the desire for sexual union and ecstasy reflects a deeper desire for spirit and a sense of oneness with the Universe. While sexual union with another can give us a glimpse of the ecstasy of spiritual fulfilment, sex alone cannot give us that fulfilment.
Sexuality spirituality and Tantra, are both deeply personal and connected to our life force energy. Our attitudes about life, love, care and compassion are all connected to our feelings about sexuality. We all came to this earth through a sexual act. If life is sacred, then so is sexuality. Unfortunately sex has been tremendously defiled in our patriarchal culture where sexuality has been paired with shame, control, domination, exploitation and darkness. To heal our sexuality means changing our beliefs so that we associate sexuality with love, passion, joy and commitment. To do this means embarking on a journey where we open our minds to re-think all we have learned about sex role stereotypes, love, sexuality and spirituality.
Getting beyond our self-absorption and being able to tap into the wonder and awe of creation can help us deepen our experience with sexuality. When we are full of tenderness, vitality, and openness to life, it helps sex have a flow and vitality that keeps it alive and fluid. Sexuality grounded in devotion, and commitment and openness to growth can deepen and strengthen the connection between two people and intensify their sense of intimacy and oneness. When we open our inner world to our partner and allow the power of our energy flow through us, we naturally open our heart.
Sexuality is not always about partners and orgasm. It is related to the way we live in our bodies and experience the sensual pleasures of life. We can be alive to our senses, yet not be controlled by them. We can feel connected to the wonder of life when we smell bread baking, slowly eat a juicy peach, stroke velvet or gaze at the moon passing through hazy clouds. Connecting to our sexual energy is also about feeling joy and passion that come from honest conversation, giving to others, being in nature, being active and being of service.
The concept of sexuality as kundalini–life force energy–resting like a coiled snake at the base of the spine ready to rise up and fill us with energy suggests that sex can be used as a tool for spiritual awakening. This is a tricky subject, because it is important not to fool ourselves by saying we are being sexual in order to be enlightened. We need to have a bond with our partner. One way sexual experience helps open our hearts is when we allow the sexual energy to fill us and then breathe the energy from the pelvis and genitals up into our heart.
If we think of the body, mind and spirit as one, then to have a sense of wholeness associated with our sexuality is to be tuned into all aspects of our being–our spiritual life, senses, feelings and thoughts. Sexuality spirituality and Tantra is something we each possess and have available for our pleasure whether or not we are with a partner. In many ways the spiritual journey is about making love to ourselves in a myriad of ways–listening to our hearts, being honest, following our calling in life, giving ourselves pleasure and tapping into the wonder of the life force energy which people call God, Great Spirit, Goddess, Universal Energy, to name a few. Part of our sexual awakening can also be through making physical love to ourselves–taking time to pleasure ourselves, get to know our bodies and feel comfortable with our smells, sensations and erotic feelings. It’s important not to depend solely on another person for sexual pleasure. We need to know it belongs to each of us and is ours to experience and enjoy. That is how Sexuality Spirituality and Tantra connect.
When we are with a partner it is important to remember that sexuality can be like a window to the rest of our relationship. Whatever is happening or not happening in our relationship may be reflected in the sexual relationship. Couples with long term satisfying sexual relationships usually realize that when sex isn’t going well it reflects something deeper in the relationship – its not just about sex. It’s like a barometer for the whole relationship. ‘What aren’t we talking about?’ Have I been keeping secrets that have turned into guilt? In enduring, happy relationships people also realize the importance of keeping sex alive as an intrinsic part of the union. It would be very important if it were missing. Its part of the glue, the very special union people have with their beloved partner and no other.
Meaningful sex has to be value based. Values are personal. Each situation that has sexual energy in it, involves the whole human being and their entire value system. It is important to have core values and respect them. Without values, we become spiritually bankrupt. Sexual experience will always be joyful and meaningful if lovers share the same values.
Tantric sex is a meditative sexual practice that encourages people to focus on mind-body connections. This can lead to fulfilling sexual experiences and greater intimacy.
Breathing is a key component of tantric sex, as it helps a person focus their mind and be in tune with one’s body. Tantric sex with a partner encourages the synchronization of breathing to promote connection and intimacy and to reach heights of ecstasy and love.
Couples in my practice who have tried tantric sex find that they cultivate great sensual pleasure and bliss, also a sense of melting into each other that is elevating and ecstatic. The purpose is to become united in love through sexuality spirituality and tantra, and not about reaching a goal every time.
When we have restored the sexual experience to the realm of the sacred, our world will be pure and divine, holy and healed.
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